The Great French Fry Taste Test

As serious journalists, the Falconer staff is committed to bringing sophisticated, high-quality articles to readers. Our news stories are of the utmost relevance, our opinion pieces are overflowing with wisdom and our food reviews are filled to the brim with exciting new restaurants that you probably never bothered to check out. Our dedication to producing only the best left us with no other option but to end the year with a bang — french fry tasting. 
Preparations for the highly-anticipated fry tasting were intense. Not only did the staff spend a substantial amount of time deliberating over which fries to test, but we also had to deal with the problem of soggy fries. The select few who were entrusted with the task of buying them came to class bearing aluminum-wrapped plates, thermal bags and even towel-insulated ceramic containers. We were serious.
Our esteemed Entertainment editors shooed us into the lab as they set the room up for the experiment. With five plates of half-cold french fries set out and no knowledge of which esteemed fast food chain they came from, the Falconer staff stood at the ready. Despite the limp appearance of the food — side note: french fry runs during lunch bring only disappointing results — the smell of oil and minimally burnt potato was inviting. I stood against the testing table with my peers huddled around me. Pencils were ready, and tensions were high. The first brave soul to take a fry hesitantly popped it in her mouth while the rest of us awaited the nod of approval. Once we began, the fries disappeared from the plates in a flash.
The first fries to be fully devoured were the Jack in the Box fries from Plate B. Unlike the others, they actually had a recognizable flavor when cold. I recall there being a slight taste of olive-oil, accentuated by minimal salt. 
The Jack in the Box fries were ranked highly by the staff in both appearance and taste, with averages of 7.79 and 7.08 out of 10, respectively. While everyone else took their time savoring each fry, I may or may not have shoved two or three in my mouth at once. Possibly four, but who’s counting? Truth be told, I was not the only person stealing seconds from the table; after everyone’s initial tastes, handfuls were disappearing. In less than 10 minutes, the taste test was over. 
After much deliberation over the fries’ crispiness, saltiness, oiliness, size and taste, the results were in. Based on the staff’s collective rating average, Jack in the Box fries were the favorite, with an overall score of 5.61. In-n-Out came second with 5.20, scoring high but being deemed too soggy to be the absolute best. Wendy’s, whose fries were just a bit softer and slightly bland, was ranked third at 5.16, while Carl’s Jr. managed to scrape by with fourth place. Their fries were consistently described as on the oily side, and extremely lacking in crispiness and saltiness. Most shockingly of all, McDonald’s fries were ranked fifth despite their popular reputation. I personally thought they tasted like cardboard and deceit. 
In my opinion, Jack in the Box fries were undoubtedly the best. The seasoning was not too overpowering, but had the perfect mixture of salt and olive oil. 
In a scientific sense — we are most definitely scientists doing a lot of intelligent stuff over here — tasting the fries straight out of the fryer would have provided more accurate assessments because, really, who likes cold, limp strips of potato? But the experience of taste testing proved to be quite enjoyable. The atmosphere in the classroom was buoyant with laughter, and, of course, you can never go wrong with a little oil and salt. 
Next time: burgers.
gay